I was hiding myself from my own life since long and then in a time I woke up and find myself in a woeful mess and already a great deal of inspiration and courage has been lost.I wanted to reform my own time to make some difference but eventually it wasn't worthy too much.I made myself busy with study and work or spending quality time.And I didn't interacted to those people in last six years who might go to the street for nonsense.
Yesterday I met some of my old best mates and we didn't meet up in last few years cause we all used to live in abroad in different countries.While I was studying at IUB, I had best time in my life because of these blessed friends.I definitely owe to them for all the time they had been with me .It gives me immense pleasure to see those noble hearted faces again.
We sat on the street, next to the NSU Business school, had few cups of tea, ciggerates and irregular talking was amazing again.Gathering on the street and taunting on things made my evening.This is real me actually, In a day I became obsessed again about going back to the places where I used to go long time ago.I feel the freedom of life if am on the street but being formal in high profile places and acting like gentle man is not the real me.My life is meant to be about full of fun and activities that mostly involved with feelings .I loved the evening and thanks a billion to my mates for the company and great time.The same old lifestyle is just being started again. Seeking reformation of the innovative life.
Beautiful bank of the river Brahmaputra
Its been so long I didn't see my hometown riverside , the amid beauty of the nature.The mother nature's awesome creation is beyond description.The alluvial land is deeply covered with catkins are fascinating. I was sitting at the bank of the river in the beautiful garden with my mate and enjoying the adorable sights.Talking irregularly and tasting fuska.
Its called the longest river in Bangladesh. Mymensingh is my hometown and it has very impressive feedback of history and well known for educational institutions.I was convinced to stay at the town for couple of days even I had a hurry trailing me back to Dhaka. The tour on the river was fantastic and was best pleasant moment after a long time.
The time I lived in my town before was mostly spent next to the river for playing at the huge circuit house or evening walk at the bank.My best memorable moments still pull me back that was mostly involved in river and the surroundings.
Okay, as I was sitting there and all of a sudden two beggars came up, begging for money.I gave enough money to them but still they didn't mean to leave us.The man said, look at the river its so beautiful as your gf is.surprise! how could he read my mind ! That time I was stunned by his murmuring about the things involved my life.But he was brutally true.
The sun was just waiting for the last kiss at the deep down west and we had to come back home.Watching movies, playing video games and lots of fun made my evening.It was a wonderful journey to come back to Dhaka in next morning.I miss them all-my mates, river, beggars, circuit house, numerous rickshaws, college and university ground and the odour from the drains:D. Memorable day indeed.
Sunset at the bank of Brahmaputra
I was never meant to be sarcastic means I don't tend to tease or taunt people or being playful on their thoughts and relative activities. I recently have got an feedback from one of my mate that I judge people on their social weights and traits.That wordy nonsense irritating me all the time.
I am extremely aware of social connection and interaction with peolpe.The more I think about that comment the more I get confused and I am still wondering if I am just missing something about caring and understandings. So I am putting an pipeline on judging people and trying to reform the liguistic views of social life.
I didn't go for any argument or wasn't trying to fix this fatal errors, I just walked away.She is an innocent girl with lots of hopes glistering in her eyes.I never attacked her with dry humour or with any cracked joke that may cause brutal anxiousness on her personal attributes.
The only problem with me is I never drum up my feelings and sense to people.Its a prickly and witty way to be understood I know but I can't help.I hope she will forgive me if she ever read this wordy nonsense. Sarcasm doesn't exist when you care and love somebody.She was the luckiest one being loved.
It is drizzling outside and the breeze is dancing on my hair.I can see a little leaf is playing in whirlwind and its delighting my eyes.I am sitting at my window and trying to feel the restlessness of the air and the tears of the sky.In this moment the winking of past and the homeless dreams are rehabilitating in my mind in pell-mell.Things has been changed a lot in recent span of time.The abundance of lavish recklessness, all the distorted moment and the passion of insanity, its all coming together and sprunging up spontaneously.
Leaving all the odds I am convinced to fickle my mind to dense all the bright days that are approaching.I have made some changes in the squad of my plan for next couple of years.If things go well, I will relish to win the unique challenges too.I am eagerly waiting for a lovely little messege to wave my hopes and one fine morning I will wake up with lots of hopes and the random birds will sing the sweet song to me that will enlight my day.
Sometimes I fall in sleep in the midday or even I can't sleep in the middle of the night.I brought some insomniac tablets from UK but never tried.I love the pain that keeps me awake.Its been six months almost since my arrival home.Too many things happened yet.I never seen the moonlit night in last six years but I always loved to enjoy this beautiful night.Still two weeks to go to start my MBA classes, so time hanged heavily, not too many things that I can do with these spare time. Lets say just I am transitioning my new life in dhaka very slowly, trying to keep balance in my body and mind.The emotional battle continues.....
Social emotion affecting my feelings, thoughts and behavior and giving uncomfort.Its not a matter of physical sansation holding on saying or doing thats about my activities.I wonder of too many random deadlines piling up against the tiny amount of time I have.Now I am thinking of it being zombi and my feelings fall right in step... slightly overwhemed...overtired.....feeling soooooooo uncomfortable and slowing down to sleep.Season changing, I love fall season, in fall I feel so crazy and curl up in the sun like a cat.It brings me avid enthusiasm...coming out again in full force.Lots of magazines messed up on my table with the abundance of ideas that floating around my head...To feel more comfort I tear up all those pages and add in a big bin of ideas for inspiration ,it works as a myriad folks.Now stresses crushing over my head,time for my creative wise heart to continue on the wacky path and strive to balance it all.
On the other day I was invited to a high profile restaurant for lunch in dhaka.I am quite new in dhaka in a sense that I lived in UK for six years.Anyways, I was quite late to be there and she was waiting for me.I was stepping in the restaurant but all of a sudden I noticed somebody is crying just outside the door sitting on the stairs.Something triggered my mind that she could be her, the girl is waiting for me.I came back and I was right.I never seen a girl crying like this for me.Once I loved her then I didn't, then three years passed by but she is still fallen in me.I asked her if anything happened but she could not resist the tears and I been told that she thought she is not going to see me anymore. I was stunned by the feelings she has been keeping up for the one she love.I felt so sorry for all the time I lost , The time I didn't care about her, The time she has been eagerly waiting for me.
Into a never ending illusion. Like in a psychic black hole, caught by its gravitational gradients, unable to discern what's real and what's not. I feel like writing on a wall and an strange noise brings me back to break the spell that I was building around myself. Leaving a strange taste in my mouth, much like if I am eating out my own flesh. And this is something I will regret, sooner or later. When the time comes to draw another line and put on the scales the good and the evil I've done, I know I may see that the missing flesh I disrupted would have been helpful in raising the good.I surely destroyed it... even the words stand securely locked in my head. No way to let them loose. And time passes by, leaving just regret.for what is not completed. For the occasions I lost, for the things left undone.Sitting by a river, watching the waters and trying to find some kind of answer. Answer to a question that nobody asked yet. Trying to figure out what's wrong, why life never gives answers.Putting together fears, desires, hopes and them in form of melody, a strange instrument playing for itself, drawing images in the brittle air, leaving on my retina a passing image of a beauty that's Fragile, like a leaf in a whirlwind. Fragile, like a man who's struggling to understand the reasons, the meaning, the paths of a life he doesn't comprehend, but just undergoes.The sound of silence ends with illusion.....
I am trying to remember the time I was born.I was definitley seeking emotional help and she illustrated well.She smiled to me and trained my eyes to see everything positively and not to be worried.My beautiful mom,she was meant to be personificated.I always needed her help to identify and set myself into decent way to life.She taught me through million of messages.But since the day she's gone and no one else waited for the coronation of my everyday life to set my mind. So I find myself wrapped into the memories.So,functioning and isolating myself was always a paradox.I feel like sobriety strips me off my soul and I would really like a better grip on me.Am I standing on the cliff? either jump or run away?I am trying to set myself and focused into what's being whispered to my ear the time when I was born,"those beautiful eyes are so alive".
The faboulus afternoon on the Brahmaputra
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